hi everyone.
im bored.
and i wake up this morning at 7.30am.
i feel so empty.
what to do for the rest of the day.
play guitar, play dota, play flyff.
the routine goes in a evil cycle.
and im eating lesser and lesser due to the irregular hours.
1-2 meal per day.
and not full meals.
as sandwiches become my best fren.
for one hour, i sat down and thought thoroughly about my life.
and i think im quite childish and immature.
cos i dun do anything constructive like get a job or do volunteering or smth.
as in,
i dun think of the future,
and indulge in instant gratification.
when i feel like playing, i go play.
but i dun know my intentions nor motives.
i dun feel the urge to get a job.
when money is tempting, im lazy to work for the money.
and im too dependent.
im afraid of meeting new ppl alone.
maybe tts y i dun wan to get a job.
adapting to new environments and people sound taboo.
its time to grow up.
but, these things cant be forced, can they?
"when children are young, they try hard to grow up.
cos they want to grow strong and not get bullied.
but when they grow old, they face problems of reality,
and try to go back as a child without worries."
quote from Engine, the kimura takuya drama.
i guess life is just too uneventful,
til i cant learn things and lessons of life.
thats how everything works in singapore.
children are brainwashed with a standard future.
u study,
u get good grades.
u get a job u dun like.
u get married.
u have kids.
u work for ur kids.
u retire.
and wait to kick the bucket.
i dun think thats all to life.
this standard mindset restricts the next generation from venturing out from the standard 'life'.
thats y singaporean children are so dependent...
i guess im just one of the victims.
and those who really are matured in their thinking,
i guess its just unpredictable circumstances that happen to them.
that forces them to 'grow older'.
and forces them to venture out of the mindset,
yet these ppl are the ones that are the happiest.
cos they learn from the things that happen to them,
and try to rectify things for their children.
im like a flower in a hothouse.
flowers that are fragile,
vulnerable to the outside world.
they look pretty and nice-smelling and all that.
but they dry up the fastest when they are outside the hothouse.
yet plants like the cactus,
who grows under the scorching sun without his will,
survives the longest,
takes the hardest challenges of life.
ahh crap.
conclusion.
i wanna go japan!!
im intrigued by the lifestyle,
the people,
and the language!
ahh~~
im so excited to learn the language when school reopens.
sorry for the really dry entry.
i read it again myself.
i gave up halfway.
lol.
but its kinda juicy.
hah bet that made u wanna read it if u haven.
hmm that line sounded familiar.
